I had to fill out another assessment for Mya today.

I had to fill out another assessment for Mya today. The Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scale. I’ve filled out more assessments, questionnaires and evaluations over the years than I can count. And somehow, they never get easier. Can she do this? No. Does she do this independently? Never. Can she do something most kids her age are expected to do? No. No. Never. No. Never. It’s a gut punch every single time. Because in our everyday life, I don’t look at Mya and see a list of things she can’t do. I just see Mya. We help her. We remind her. We prompt her. We do things differently. We’ve been doing it for so long that it’s simply our normal. Then you sit down with one of these assessments and suddenly you’re forced to really look at it. She’s 10. Does she need help with things most kids her age do independently? Yes. And for a few minutes, all the things you’ve learned not to compare are sitting right there in front of you. That’s the part that hurts. Not because I’m ashamed of where Mya is. It’s because I’m her mom, and I want everything for her. Sometimes those questions make you think about the future. How much help she may always need. The things you desperately want to become easier for her. I know these assessments are necessary. They show where she needs support and help us fight for the services she deserves. But that doesn’t make checking “never” hurt any less. So I finished it. I closed it. And I went back to seeing Mya the way I always do. Not as a score. Not as a developmental age. Not as a list of things she can’t do. Just Mya. 💗 These assessments document the things she needs help with, but they’ll never have a box big enough for everything she brings to our lives. And to the parent filling out one of these assessments too—I see you. I know how heavy those little boxes can feel. Answer the questions. Feel what you need to feel. Then close

By Nick Coffey

Published October 6, 2026

From the Milestone Moments 🎉 community. Celebrate every unique developmental milestone, no matter the timeline. Join special needs parents in sharing stories and support.

Posted in Mya's Milestone Magic ✨. Celebrate unique timelines and milestones, embracing every step of the journey with joy and support.

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